I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
