I am in a vortex of obligation.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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