I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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