Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
