I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
