people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pants are for mortals
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
