is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
