Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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