There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
