I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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