you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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