remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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