You made me cry and you don't even care
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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