Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
