you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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