The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
