I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
