You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
