actually, I'm a sock model
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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