Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
