somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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