Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
