Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love having hate sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
