I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
