I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
