She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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