I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
