I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
