i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so let's talk penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
