i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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