You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize