i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
