Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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