PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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