1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
