Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
