After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
