Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
