I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Terrible idea I love it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
