Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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