well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
