my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
