it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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