Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
