Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize