Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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