some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
