I have demons in me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
