He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
