Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
