Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
