Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
