i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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