She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I forgot how hot balto sounded
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
