No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
