College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
do nipples grow back?
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