how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
