I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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