She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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