I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
