I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
