Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
