You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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