my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
