We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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