break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
