hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
