I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
