Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
