i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
