whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
